The north Wales town synonymous with dwindling tourism, economic decline and laverbread addiction has been informed by representatives of the Irish sea, that all future shoreline visits will be cancelled.
‘The time has come to drift along to more deserving towns where there’s less danger of sweeping in and leaving with a pile of human detritus. The closure of the Welsh Miner’s Holiday Centre was the first nail in the coffin, followed by the demise of the last chippy on the promenade,’ claimed a spokesman in a statement to the British Association of Seaside Towns.
However Rhyl’s town council chiefs have criticized the decision as a backward step and have urged the tide to turn again. ‘We’ve already taken advice from Mary Portas and agreed to adopt French road signs, Riviera palms and Tunisian beach peddlers.’ But the editor of the Independent Traveller, Simon Calder, is slightly more dubious. ‘In my opinion Rhyl’s best option, with all of its boarded up properties, would be to stick to its ghost town image. Location scouts will pay a premium for plausible settings for post-apocalyptic zombie films, Norwegian melodramas about serial killers or documentaries about the “big society”.’
The tide has since offered to come back as a tsunami with town council chiefs weighing up the option.