Not to be outdone by their Labour counterparts, Tory HQ has announced they will be offering a peerage to the ex-Reality TV star Katie Hopkins. David Cameron insisted that the Conservatives needed to find their own ‘hero of modern Britain’, someone who would be willing to sell ‘processed cheese to the French’. A No.10 spokesmen said: ‘No one represents our belief in marital fidelity, business acumen and a classless society, more than Ms. Hopkins’.
The similarities between the two women are startling. While one has spent years combating racism, police corruption and inequality; the other has cast a vital spotlight on ‘lazy looking fat people’. While one has worked selflessly as a special needs teacher, human rights activist and as a patron of a hate-crime charity; the other has cracked down on children called ‘Chardonnay and Tyler’.
Ed Miliband has been left fuming by what has been seen as a clear attempt to steal his thunder. A Labour insider said: ‘Ed knows Doreen Lawrence is a popular figure with the electorate but Katie Hopkins once shagged a guy in a field! Let’s be honest, Mrs Lawrence is an odd choice for a peerage if you are trying to build on Margaret Thatcher’s legacy. If you are talking integrity, wisdom and sophistication – you really need to have appeared on Celebrity Four Weddings’.