Scientists believe they have finally discovered the reason why so many people report near-death experiences. Professor Iain McAndrew, Head of Near Death Experiences at Stafford hospital, said: ‘After studying this for many, many years, and consulting many people who have had near-death experiences we have concluded that people have near-death experiences when they are near to death.
‘We conducted experiments on patients here, as they were only going one way anyway. After weeks of neglect, they reported experiences such as ‘You’re killing me!’ and ‘I’m going to report this to the Daily Mail!’ They also hallucinated about women in blue uniforms, whom they called ‘nurses’. We tried to reassure them that there were no such people, and that the hospital was staffed entirely by managers and near-death specialists, but it seems that when approaching death, some people imagine that they should be looked after in some way.