Racial tension is running high in Gillingham, Kent today following what is alleged to have been a racially motivated attack which took place on the town’s high street yesterday afternoon. The victim, a 25 year old, Indesit 50-50 fridge freezer, is believed to have been visiting friends at Geoff’s Used Appliance store next to the Montag Leisure arcade opposite Poundland, when the assailants, both of brown goods origin, entered the store and confronted the unassuming cold storage combo.
‘They looked like your average brown appliances’ explained Mr Ridge, the store’s owner and expert on tacky home furnishings.’They were all chatting away quite normally when suddenly they turned on him. It was horrifying, and in broad daylight as well.’
The attackers, one of whom is described as being in his early forties, was a Baird television with ‘heavy set’ features and a distinctively large channel switching knob believed to be from the pre remote control era. The other, also believed to be in his forties and wearing a tatty, mahogany veneer, was a dual tape deck, Amstrad HiFi stack with FM tuner and extendable aerial, which Mr. Ridge alleges was used to puncture the victim’s gas container.
‘I tried to go after them but they were too quick on their casters” continued Mr.Ridge.
Tonight, TV’s, HiFis and video recorders all over the town are on standby amid fears of reprise attacks from the white goods community. However, in contrast, residents of the council estate in neighbouring Twydall are proudly displaying their old fridges, washing machines and free-standing ovens alongside their old TV sets, battered settees and nappy-filled black rubbish bags on their front gardens in a show of unison for all to see.
‘We don’t get that sort of trouble round ‘ere,’ said local resident Maggie O’Brien as she sent her 2 year old off to the shops for twenty B&H.
Kent Police have today issued e-fits of the suspects and have appealed to anyone who knows of them or their whereabouts to come forward. They have also insisted that unprovoked attacks like these, whilst horrific, are extremely rare and asked all home appliances not to have nightmares.