Music industry pundits were today predicting that France would suffer humiliating defeat in the annual event as the European public express their displeasure at M. Hollande’s adventurism in the middle-east.
Further public ire is expected at the cost of the United States, for throughout Europe President Obama is highly criticised for allowing the democratic process to be subverted by M. Hollande’s imperialist aggression and for letting America be an unwilling accomplice to France’s ruthless expansionism. It is thought that Obama’s decision to join in was somewhat swayed by M. Hollande helpfully pointing out that the British burnt down the Capitol in 1812.
However, the impact on Obama will be slight as the U.S.A., a country stuffed to the gunnels with Europeans, is not allowed to take part as they would win every time. This contrasts curiously with the 2011 winner Azerbaijan, which has no Europeans in it at all, but is thought to be next on M. Hollande’s list of ‘countries needing French help.’
John Peters, Head of Marketing at Sony (Europe) and an expert on the use of pop as an instrument of international diplomacy, said, ‘France will lose repeatedly because of this aggressive, imperialist policy, and not for the traditional reason – their music is rubbish.’