In his first journalistic foray since unexpectedly passing away on a cruise ship last week, Sir David questioned Nixon’s spirit during a four-hour exchange, nearly forty years after they first met in California.
‘I just dropped by to say hello, good evening and so on,’ said Sir David’s ghost, ‘but we ended up chatting for quite a while, and I of course tried to get him to say a proper ‘sorry’ for Watergate this time. But he just went on and on about what a brilliant tactician he was and how we all ought to be grateful to him. I pointed out that he’d been dead for twenty years and might want to think about letting go, but he wasn’t having any of it.’
Nixon’s ghost was characteristically unrepentant and insisted he was ‘delighted’ to have been reunited with his old foe. ‘Now you listen to me: I’m dead, and stuck here for all eternity. That’s what you liberals always wanted, isn’t it? Well, let me tell you, Tricky Dick doesn’t just disappear off into the sunset without keeping himself busy. And if there’s one thing that should feel like it takes up the whole of eternity, it’s being interviewed by David Frost. Sadly it was over sooner than I expected and I still have all of time to fill. So I’m going to a poetry reading by this Seamus Heaney instead. It was either that or go and be hectored by Margaret Thatcher about how I wasn’t right-wing enough. God help me.’
Despite now being dead, Sir David admits that he still hopes to hold regular interviews with some of the world’s most eminent dead statesmen and women. ‘Of course I’d love to get to the bottom of whether Tony Blair really is sorry for that business about Iraq,’ he said, ‘so I can’t wait for him to turn up in the afterlife as soon as possible. As it happens plenty of people were telling me they felt the same, even before I got on that cruise ship. Funny that.’