Following Lloyds Bank’s re-introduction of the TSB brand, other banks are expected to follow suit as they attempt to rebrand themselves in an effort to make customers think that they are more trustworthy because they have the names of defunct banks. High streets now expect to see the return of names such as Midland, Woolwich, Abbey National, Alliance & Leicester, Bradford & Bingley, and the National & Provincial Bank.
HSBC customer, Fiona Westcott, said: ‘This is excellent news. We all know that HSBC is a front for Triad gangs, and they rip you off with exorbitant bank charges. Now they’ve called their branches Midland Bank I know that instead I will receive personal attention from gentlemen who are only interested in making sure that I receive the best service. I’ve already made an appointment to see the nice manager about my small overdraft of five guineas.’
A merchant banker confided, ‘You can’t fool all the people all the time, but we can fool them long enough to make them give us even more of their money. After all, Christmas is coming, and we have multi-million pound bonuses to pay out.’