Man stares into the fetid maw of his own mortality watching ITV2’s ‘Big Reunion’

No. God no. Not 5ive.

Steven Harris (32) from Croydon, South London reported feeling the crushing realisation that his best years are far behind him while watching an episode of ITV2’s ‘The Big Reunion: On Tour’ last Thursday.

The reality show features pop acts from the 90s reuniting in an attempt to recapture a vibrant, relevant past that has long since vanished into the ether. Witnessing the personification of time’s relentless march thrusting and mocking to Cleopatra’s ‘Comin’ Atcha’ caused Mr Harris to ponder his insignificant stint on this indifferent rock.

‘I remember these people,’ said Mr Harris wistfully, watching Another Level rehearse a dance routine and letting his fingers lightly brush the screen. ‘But their faces are now old and distorted by weariness.’

‘This accursed vision, this ‘The Big Reunion: On Tour’! Seeing the joyless husk of Kerry Katona lollop about on stage only serves to remind me how many decades have passed since I watched the joyless husk of a much younger Kerry Katona lollop about on Top of the Pops. God, Top of the Pops. Sullied and forgotten…’

‘We used to dance and sing in dappled sunshine, B*Witched and I,’ continued Mr Harris. ‘But now the ache in my right knee has become permanent, my gut is distended and my spirit broken. I have lost that faint joyful spark I once had, replaced by naught but blackness. Can it be 18 years since those halcyon days of 5ive?’

‘I realise now that rather than having a body, I am merely a body; a body that is twisting and crumbling from the weight of too many winters,’ mumbled Mr Harris while listening to Lee from 911 talk about his failed marriage.

Mr Harris then trailed off and gazed motionless at the floor, the light of the television flickering across his worn carpet. The seconds ticked by towards both his inevitable descent into nothingness and ‘Celebrity Juice’, coming up after the break.


Share this story...

Posted: Sep 13th, 2013 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2020 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer