The Band will be known as ‘All Directions’ in line with current party thinking and will feature lead singer Nik Klegg, accompanied by Dani Xander as ‘The Funny one’, Alan Beth as ‘The Serious One’, Norman ‘Norm’ Baker is ‘The androgynous one’, and Andrew Stunnel will be ‘The one who everybody questions how they got there and is only liked by the odd ball girl in form 5B, one’. Lord Steel claims to be the member of the band who left to become successful in his own right while Charles Kennedy will take on the Pete Best mantle by being thrown out of the band before they were famous. MP Jo Swinson will become the band’s one designated groupie.
The boy band will be managed by Vince Cable who, adopting a Simon Cowell/Svengali type role, gave delegates details of the band’s tour of key marginal seats. Their new single will be ‘Stuck in the Middle with Blues’ which replaces the planned cover version of Alice Cooper’s ‘I Wanna Be Elected’ from the band debut album entitled ‘Zero Hours’. It’s not known if the band will eventually pen any future songs as Klegg’s previous forays into collaborative works has not been widely well received by both the public and critics alike.
In an interview with the NME Cable said, ‘The Lib-Dems have lost the ‘X’ Factor with the electorate, so by courting the adolescent soon-to-be voter, we are hoping they will be unaware of any past policies or principles when the next election rolls around’. All Directions are expected to split in about six months time.