Courts should be able to order constables to remove their trousers in court, a judge decreed today. Justice Bludgeon (96) believes it is important that juries have the right to see the style and condition of an officer’s underpants if they are to give credence to the evidence being presented.
‘With practice, a man may be capable of keeping a straight face while lying through his teeth in the witness box, but if he is a knave or a scoundrel then that fact should come to light and there is no more sure a way of telling than by a proper examination of his, or indeed her, under garments.’
Police who wish to retain fully clothed for religious reasons could be permitted to de-bag and give evidence behind a curtain. A Clerk of the Court would then don the underpants and stand in view of the jury while the proceedings continued.
Pressed as to why the no-trouser rule should only apply to police and not other witnesses or those on trial, the judge replied, ‘That is a quite excellent idea. I like the cut of your jib. I’m telling the truth – look, I’m not wearing any.’