Cecil!, the new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical charting the political rise of Cecil Parkinson’s love child, has opened to a rave review at conference sub-plenary breakout fringe session 4 of the Conservative Party Conference this week.
‘We took inspiration from one of the most famous poses in portrait photography,’ declared Lord Lloyd Webber. ‘The sitter, naked astride a back-to-front chair engages the camera with an enigmatic eye. The chair, of course, hides the genitals of Cecil Parkinson, out of which shot the sperm that changed the history of British politics, exactly 30 years ago. And I must say, Simon Heffer’s done a great job on the libretto.’
The musical begins with Parkinson’s doomed passion for Margaret Thatcher, then shows how, out of that twisted love, spun a single spermatozoon into his then-assistant Sarah Keays (who cannot be named for legal reasons), and thence into Conservative history.
Cecil! Is one of a string of new musicals launched at conference over the years that celebrate the private activities of Conservative “big beasts”, including last autumn’s Major Me!
‘Most of Mrs Thatcher’s cabinet would have bonked her if they could, but she was always so busy,’ declared Edwina Currie. ‘That is why so many resorted to their now famous peccadillos, or, in Geoffrey Howe’s case, pedalos, because of a holiday mix up. ‘
‘If I’d just waited three years none of this would ever have happened,’ recalled Lord Parkinson. ‘In 1986 all remaining cabinet members were instructed to wear condoms at all times because of the threat of Aids. How different things would have been…
‘In fact,’ he continued, ‘Jeffrey [Archer] and I were just reminiscing about the time when none of us knew whether the Tories would ever emerge from mounting scandal. Now, thanks to Mr Coulson’s iron fist in Downing Street, we can put all that behind us.’
Cecil! tours the country from November, but only the blue bits.