Federal museum employees across the US have prepared for a government shut down by amassing every boxed set ever released since the last government shutdown.
‘Back in ‘96 we were caught completely unawares,’ said Dwight MacMardell, superintendent of the National Yo-Yo Museum in Portland, Oregon. ‘So the only way to avoid three weeks of housebound boredom is to be prepared for it: long-life tortilla chips, an emergency microbrewery kit and an eighth of Lebanese Black.’
As the US government edges towards a shutdown, public sector workers across the country have started enacting their own carefully laid plans for unlimited free time, leading some to question where the money came from for every state office in the country to have two table-tennis tables, a beer fridge and multiple copies of The Wire.
But some hoping to work their way through all five seasons of recent shows like ‘Breaking Bad’ have been left fuming by the online disclosure of key plot twists. One Museum attendant complained: ‘I’ve been saving up my TV watching all these years and the bloody internet keeps spoiling my plans. I mean, who knew that crystal meth was an illegal substance? Or that Bridget Jones would die alone? And apparently someone gets killed in Game of Thrones! It’s very frustrating.’
The Department of Education has urged its staff to watch the live unfolding legislative drama in Washington, as an alternative to sitting at home irritated by their prior knowledge that ‘Lost’ is ‘a pile of hyena offal’ before they even start watching it. ‘Although we already know the ending to That Congress Show,’ said a spokesman. ‘If you don’t want to find out that the Republican Party will never fund healthcare for the poor, will always give tax cuts to the rich, and we generally behave like a massive bunch of arseholes then look away now – and perhaps to be on the safe side avoid reading about their record over the last fifty years.’