The Lone Star State has committed itself to a ‘more humane’ approach to execution, as the Governor announces that the poison will come in three delicious fruity flavours, with more to be added in the near future. ‘Justice should be tempered with a hint of strawberry, or vanilla’, he explained at a press conference today. He hopes it will tempt more Death Row inmates to ‘get it over with’ and stop clogging up the courts with endless appeals.
The American Civil Liberties Union has welcomed the move, saying this could be the first step to giving murderers a shot of sugared water instead of the poisonous potassium chloride, ‘just to give them a fright and teach them a lesson’.
Meanwhile, reaction on Death Row has been mixed, from ‘What, no peppermint?’ to ‘Old Sparky gave us Smoky Bacon’.
Unfortunately, complications arose when multiple killer Ted Gemps tried to strangle the member of staff who asked him what flavour he wanted to be killed with, screaming that he ‘didn’t want to die like a limp-wristed Democrat’.