A man from Derbyshire who has never owned a television set has been left ‘worried and confused’ by the overnight disappearance of the unmanned helicopter that hovered constantly above his house for the last 14 years.
‘I’m having trouble sleeping without the constant throb of the engine and whoosh of blades,’ said Michael Wallace , 56. ‘And since they took away the loudhailer screaming ‘we know you’ve got a digibox in there somewhere, you bastard’, the sinister quiet has got me really on edge. Is this the lull before the dawn raid on my home? Surely they can’t have accepted I don’t own a television?’
Mr Wallace knew that his unusual lifestyle choice would bring letters from the TV Licencing Authority theatening him with prosecution, arrest, conviction or summary imprisonment for the crime of not having a television set, but was surprised at the escalation. ‘At first the correspondence got more personal, but I wasn’t cowed by the ‘only perverts don’t need tellies’ stuff,’ he said. ‘The drone showed up during the honey trap operation of ’99, after the Latvian hooker radioed for backup while searching my wardrobe for portable sets.’
But Mr Wallace suspects that, far from giving up, the TV people are just changing tactics. ‘The missing drone is just messing with my head,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure if I can take much more. I’ve even contemplated doing something silly and unforgivable – like buying a televison set.’
The TV licensing authority, sponsored by Sony, refused to comment