The war of words between pop singer Miley Cyrus and paraphyletic phylum-descended entertainer SpongeBob Squarepants has intensified in the last 24 hours.
The squeakily-voiced, improbably-shaped children’s TV staple was upbraided by Mr Squarepants (14) on Friday, in an open letter to the singing star. In it, he accused the singer of ‘reckless irresponsibility’ in her latest video.
Cyrus has long cited the porifera as an influence, both on her sartorial and singing styles. The video for her latest single ‘Wrecking Ball’ is said to be heavily influenced by ‘Demolition Dolphin’, an episode from Series Eight of SpongeBob Squarepants, where SpongeBob straddles a wrecker to save his pineapple from destruction by evil, town-planning, porpoises.
‘I see that in your video, you’re sitting on a smashy-up-ball, too, Miley. That’s fine, but where was your hard hat? You could have been hurt! Sure, I didn’t wear one either, but I’m a cartoon character. I spent years at animation school learning how to take the blow from a falling anvil evenly. Oh, and I’m a sponge. Think about it Miley!’
Cyrus replied the following day in a series of tweets: ‘A sponge wearing a cap? SpongeBob you are #bestcontraceptiveever’, and others mocking the multi-cellular hermaphrodite over his very public battle with ADHD; ‘I’m wearing a dress right now that’s longer than your attention span, Mr Squarepants.’
Showbiz pundits believe that the spat revolves around both performers’ desire to corner the lucrative ‘echinoderm-dollar’. ‘Miley can camp it up to her heart’s content,’ remarked Litigious Lobster, Spongebob’s agent, ‘but if she starts musseling in on the pink starfish market, my charge will take a very dim view of that.’
Indeed, Mr SquarePants has threatened legal action. However, it is believed to be on hold while he recuperates after taking Ms Cyrus’ last tweet, ‘You can shove your hardhat #upyourosculum’, a little too literally.