Retired supermarket worker Gregory Smith claims that he wouldn’t be unduly perturbed if one morning he woke up to discover he’d metamorphosed into a gigantic insect.
‘I can’t see it being a problem,’ he said, brushing off any potential anxiety regarding the notional Kafkaesque eventuality. ‘A change is as good as a rest, as they say, though I think I’ll pass on turning into a cockroach.’
He admits that ‘initially it might come as a shock to the wife as she doesn’t like creepy-crawlies’, but says he believes she’d soon adapt as she has done to his beard.
Mr Smith believes the metamorphosis would solve his current neighbour problem.
‘If a gigantic insect appeared on my doorstep and complained about loud music, I’d soon turn it down ‘ he said, ‘especially if they’d had one spliff too many – they’d run away screaming.’