Boeing Dreamliner reaches destination without incident

passengers suing for lack of things to talk about at dinner parties

A Boeing 787 Dreamliner operated by Japanese Airlines today reached its destination with all parts of the cutting edge jetliner still on the plane, and with no bits on fire. On the approach to Narita airport in Tokyo this morning, the Captain announced to the stunned passengers that they did not have to assume the crash position, or leave the plane via emergency slides.

During an uneventful flight, passengers were treated to drinks and food, and even cabin service. This is a departure from the normal Dreamliner service of diversions to unexpected airports, cabins full of black acrid smoke and unserviceable toilets. Thrill-seeking passengers who had booked the flight especially, were left disappointed as they departed at the gate on time, and arrived unruffled at their correct destination. Their safety cards were not needed, and life jackets remained unused.

A spokesperson for the airline said it was investigating the incident thoroughly, saying that the airline was considering making one-off compensation payments to passengers on the flight. “We realise that JAL customers had expected, as a minimum, to reach a random destination in a state of, at the very least, mild panic. We’re working urgently with Boeing to understand what might have gone right on this occasion. We ensure our customers that we will soon return to the service levels that they have come to expect, and apologise that they are all suffering the disappointment of being safe at home in their beds tonight”.

The Boeing 787 Dreamliner is a state of the art airliner, powered by batteries and 20% more fuel efficient than normal planes because it is made from a mixture of composite plastics and cheese and held together with technologically flimsy but wholly trustable twine.

For this reason, it is loved by airlines with hundreds now on order.

In a previous incident, the emergency beacon on a Dreamliner, used in the event of a crash to help locate the plane, caught fire and nearly caused it to crash. Boeing declined to comment on the steady stream of incidents, but reiterated in a statement that safety is paramount, saying; ‘Actually, no it’s not. No, of course it is. You’re all going to die! Nah! Just kidding.’

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2013 by

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