England’s highly paid international smokers are set to pocket 40 free ciggies if they can overcome the minnows of Montenegro later today. Manager Roy Hodgson gave the go ahead for the controversial bonus despite Joe Hart blaming his recent dip in form on passive smoking in the England dressing room.
The England boss expects to name a full squad for tonight’s clash with the exception of social smoker Ashley Cole who will undergo an eleventh hour scan for a shadow on his lung. And Hodgson received a late fitness boost after twenty-a-day striker Wayne Rooney showed up for duty having overcome a nasty bout of bronchitis, attributing his new lean look entirely to a course of Malboro Lights.
Hodgson insists the bonus will cost the FA nothing and is part of a batch of duty-frees he brought back from the team’s trip to the Ukraine. He added; “we all know how adept this squad is at passing around a cigarette or joint. Now I’d like to see them do the same thing with a football.”
Meanwhile, Hodgson admitted he has some concerns over Jack Wilshere’s recent lacklustre form. “The lad’s worked hard in training after making some adjustments in his life. He’s coming along in patches. I think they’re called Nicotinell.”