Amazon alienates customers as ‘…recommends’ function becomes honest

soon to be privatised

Customers were left confused and upset this week after’s famous ‘Amazon recommends…’ function was adjusted by the site’s designers to be more frank with their consumers.

Despite ‘honesty is the best policy’ having a certain ring to it, the initial reactions to this new approach have led to quite a lot of negative feedback, even including comments from some people posting under their real names.

Anyone viewing the TV & FILM section of the site is recommended to ‘keep up with the times’ by getting it for free on one of a selection of Amazon-recommended torrent websites.

Those who purchase romantic novels are now directed to various dating websites and told; ‘Amazon recommends… you get out there and really give life a go’, while those who had purchased ‘fifty shades of grey’ are now directed to proper pornography websites and places where spanking paddles can be discreetly bought at rock-bottom prices.

People who are considering becoming a fan of Tolstoy are being directed to the ‘War and Peace’ spark-notes page and told ‘Amazon recommends… you stop kidding yourself you’d ever finish it’, while customers expressing interest in Dan Brown’s complete works are offered ego-boosting adult education courses instead.

Business analysts suggest this new departure could actually backfire and hurt sales for the internet giant, but were waiting to see how things go for a while. Early indications don’t bode well, though, after one customer who’d bought everything Amazon told him he would like for three years was left in a state of confuson for eight days and unable to spend any money at all after receiving a message saying ‘Amazon seriously recommends you don’t do what Amazon recommends’.


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Posted: Oct 13th, 2013 by

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