A market research interview to ascertain attitudes to the deli-counter staple ‘green eggs and ham’ was today condemned by its sole participant. The unnamed man claimed the in-depth survey by Sam-I-Am Marketing was ‘poorly executed’ and the results gleaned from it were ‘downright misleading.’
Amongst the alleged shortcomings were ‘A shoddy demographic spread of respondents, closed-ended questioning and simplistic rhyming and scansion devices.’
‘Quite why I was the only consumer used for the interview is beyond me’ he explained ‘The young interviewer seemed totally unprepared for the fact that I hadn’t tried the product and wasn’t about to, either – having a slightly Jewish-sounding surname.
‘The ‘questions’ such as they were, amounted to little more than a list of circumstances in which my ‘consumer resistance’ might be ‘reframed affirmatively’.
‘Quite why the interviewer thought that a selection of animals, weather conditions and frankly dangerous modes of transportation, would have any bearing on my responses is beyond me.
‘I’ll give them this though; they really pulled out the stops. I finally gave them the answer they wanted, just to terminate the bloody interview.’
Sam-I-Am Research (‘providing differently-coloured porcine/dairy marketing solutions for twenty five years’) apologised for the distress caused to the interviewee and agreed to pay his dry cleaning bill in full as well as replacing his stovepipe hat. However the makers of green eggs and ham have now drawn criticism for a new ad campaign which claims that ‘In clinical trials, 100% of respondents say they would recommend it, when accompanied by small rodents.’