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God to be awarded Oscar for special effects in Old Testament

In a move described by entertainment insiders as being ‘long overdue’, the Creator of the Universe has been tipped to receive a lifetime achievement award for His magnificently realistic tricks which have been scaring the daylights out of Christians for the last 2000 years.

‘His stunts are still the envy of special effects experts in Hollywood’, says critic Miles Gillard. ‘He’s given us thousands of years of consummate showmanship, from His convincing impression of creating the Heavens and the Earth in six days to the parting of the Red Sea, which was so realistic that thousands of gullible Israelites drowned trying to walk across – an early experiment in audience participation. Then there was the iconic fire-and-brimstone sequence at Sodom and Gomorrah – still making people nervous about gay marriage 3000 years on.’

It’s generally agreed that things went downhill after He sent His son down to earth, however. ‘Healing the sick and preaching about peace and love – that was something of an anti-climax. You expect something more spectacular when an omnipotent deity shows up’, says Gillard. ‘His father really blew it when He stopped doing His own stunts’.

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Posted: Oct 16th, 2013 by sydalg

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