Following a spate of high-profile scandals involving racial slurs, culminating in a ‘space monkey’ incident, an unnamed member of the Football Association issued a rambling statement: ‘Continually banging on about allegedly racist remarks is blatantly is racistist. No-one dares call a spade a spade for fear of getting shovelled in steaming mounds of Kaká’.
Earlier this week Heather Rabbatts, the FA’s only female board member, claimed that Greg Dyke’s offer to ‘black up’ was not the type of diversity ‘make-up’ she meant. ‘It’s not enough to ban references to inflatable bananas, Paolo Di Canio and Douglas Bader’s dog.’ said a spokesman for Mrs Rabbatts. ‘Fans need to do more than simply chant ‘Who’s the bastard in the slightly darker clothing?’. And it’s not acceptable for the Chelsea team to perform a rugby-style Haka – stomping slowly and hissing ‘Is it because I is blik?”
Greg Dyke has since gone record to add gravitas to the debate: ‘Communicating with politically correct cliches and avoiding off-colour jokes is going to restrict most Managers to roaring incoherently, hurling teacups and employing hand-gestures. Sir Alex Ferguson was well before his time in that respect.’