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Crematoria ‘to help supply national grid’ says PM

With energy costs at their highest yet, David Cameron promised: ‘With the first three months of the year traditionally having the highest mortality rates amongst the elderly, people can rest assured that energy supplies will not be affected’.

Backbenchers cheered the plans to link energy firms to the UK’s crematoria, while also providing a walking stick ‘amnesty’. Under which scheme, relatives of the deceased will be encouraged to take redundant wooden canes, rocking chairs and old copies of the People’s Friend to collection points to provide extra fuel for the grid.

Mr. Cameron explained that recycling the elderly was a noble sacrifice: ‘As your light goes out you’ll be illuminating another.’

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2013 by Dick Everyman

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