The British Public have a new champion tonight, with a proud Mr. Gove scoring highly in the signature round with a pleasingly pseudo-Latin sobriquet – ‘Asinus stultissimus’. This followed his spectacular ‘deconstructed’ education system or a ‘sh*t soufflé’ as Marry Berry described it.
Tensions rose in the technical challenge when he appeared not to understand the concept of average. Paul Hollywood was heard to repeatedly explain to the confused Secretary of State that: ‘some stuff needs to be a little better and some stuff a little worse’ in order for an average to exist.
However, the showstopper came when a cheering crowd of year 11 pupils, from pretty much every high school in the country, waved their smart phones with glee as they pledged multiple ‘f**k-off votes for Michael’ or: ‘Futue te ipsum,’ corrected Michael. Although one fan expressed regret that Mr. Gove’s head had been ‘just a shade too big’ to fit into the AGA they had so lovingly prepared.