The Vatican have suspended Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst amid fears that he has gone ‘gangsta’ on them. Parishioners attest to hearing the Bishop of Limburg using the ‘n’ word when referring to the Pope, calling his choir boys ‘my bitches’ and ‘bustin out some phat beats’ on the church organ.
Accused of spending more than £26m on ‘pimping’ out his official residence, the ‘Bishop of Bling’ boasts the only nativity scene with a gold plated manger, Mary in a leopard print dress and Jesus in a fedora. When questioned by the Bishop of Rome, Mr. Tebartz-van Elst responded: ‘Sup, dawg, get yo fly ass over to my crib. This shit is for real!’
The Bishop of Limburg drew further criticism this month with his $20,000 bathtub, an endorsement of Kanye West’s ‘Yeezus’ and reportedly having ‘bust a cap in the ass’ of a Protestant pastor. One of his flock challenged these accusations: ‘Whatchyo talking about? Fo’ sure, he’s down with da Latin Kings’. Although, no one could deny that the Bishop had replaced his mitre with a ‘doo rag’ and was given to wearing a low-ride cassock, a face tattoo of St. Biggie Smalls and had filled his thurible with crystal meth.