In a bid to improve the moral standards of British newspapers, regulatory control is to be handed to Satan. This is said to be something of a ‘poacher turned gamekeeper’ role for the Evil One, who cut his journalistic teeth editing the Daily Mail before taking up malevolent acts full-time in the 1960s.
‘We wanted to make the Press accountable without sacrificing freedom of speech,’ David Cameron told a coven of journalists. ‘Beelzebub is the ideal candidate: his integrity is, well, it’s better than most journalists and he definitely knows when they’re lying. It was either him or Paul Dacre – who would you have chosen?’
Earlier plans for a Royal Charter were opposed by journalists on the grounds that it might have stopped them bugging the phones of dead children or making stuff up.