As eight more News Corporation employees go on trial for conspiracy to intercept communications, demand for a ‘stiff vino’ has started to outstrip supply. Unfortunately nothing soothes a guilty conscience like sleeping tablets, access to Rupert Murdoch’s credit card and a nightly crate of Pinot Grigio.
‘Our client wishes to maintain her innocence – and an alcoholic stupor,’ said Rebekah Brooks’s counsel. ‘A few bottles of a nice claret for medicinal purposes can give anyone the Dutch courage to ignore all ethical boundaries, urinate behind the butchers in Chipping Norton High Street and marry Ross Kemp.’
A spokesman for Alcoholics Anonymous commented: ‘If the UK is deprived of its favourite tipple, we may at least be spared a repeat of seeing an inebriated James Murdoch vomiting on Kelvin McKenzie or drunk dialling Hugh Grant. Then again, if all the editors are found guilty, how will the nation be able to toast their demise?’