Newspapers across the press spectrum have agreed to run special editions later this month with absolutely no pictures of Kate, or her sister, on the front page. The novelty Middleton-free papers are expected to raise thousands for charity, and could quickly become collectors’ items.
“We’re really doing the unthinkable,” said a spokesperson for the Daily Mail. “I climbed Kilimanjaro last year, and the pain of that is nothing to the agony of having an amazing snap of Kate cooing over the baby with Pippa’s bum in shot, and not publishing it immediately. This is the hardest charity stunt ever conceived.’
News International’s flagship title The Times has gone a step further, and promised that none of its first five pages on the specified day will contain Middleton-themed stories, “unless they comment on the crisis in the middle east”. So far the only newspapers not to have signed up to the event are The Guardian and The Sun. Undisclosed sources from the Sun suggest the Middletons are considered a vital part of the strategy to deflect attention from the ongoing hacking trial, and the Guardian, meanwhile, is expected to run a souvenir “Rebececa Brooks – her story” issue on the same day.
“Of course, Kate will nominate the charity that benefits from No Kate Tuesday,” said a spokesman for Associated Press. “And when she goes to see how the money is spent we’ll have some amazing photos of her visiting sick whales, saving babies from wild cats, or whatever. Now that’s a front page you’re going to want to buy”.