Revealed: Osborne’s valet ‘running the economy’

Carry on, George

In a frank interview with the Economist, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, loveable upper-class scatterbrain George Osborne has revealed that the British Economy is in fact being run by his unflappable Manservant, Smedley.

“To tell the plain and unvarnished, one’s always been somewhat of a prune with figures.” Commented Mr Osborne; “If it wasn’t for the monthly postal order from one’s Great Aunt Hermione, a chap would be stonier than a lion in Trafalgar Square. One tried explaining as much to old “stiffy” Cameron, but he was as Pharoah gazing upon the Midianites or some such. In times of trial, who is a chap to turn to if not to one’s Man? Cometh the hour, cometh the Manservant, and I must say, Smedley’s been an absolute brick about the whole thing.”

Interviewed separately, Mr Smedley, who declined to give a first name, commented; “Mr Osborne’s social calendar precludes him from spending as much time at the Exchequer as he would otherwise wish. In fact, only this week I had to extricate Mr Osborne from an unwanted romantic entanglement with a young lady of good family in Berkshire, ensure that he remains the sole beneficiary of the will of his wealthy Uncle Huxtable and resolve a most unfortunate contretemps involving the alleged alienation of affections of Miss Evadne Tree-Frobisher, the fiance of Mr “Woofy” Cuthbertson. Horsewhips were, I believe, alluded to. In comparison, the management of the Nation’s finances is a mere bagatelle.”

Mr Smedley then asked to be excused, saying that he had to prepare a statement on the balance of payments deficit, negotiate a loan from the IMF and re-organise Mr Osborne’s sock drawer.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2013 by

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