Filipinos to stack shelves in return for UK government handout

The recent generosity of the British people in reaction to the horrendous devastation left by Typhoon Haiyan has led the Department for Work and Pensions to investigate the possible emergence of a Philippines ‘benefit culture’.

‘For the big society to work, you can’t expect something for nothing ‘ explained DWP Secretary of State Ian Duncan Smith, insisting that ‘a little bit of inclement weather’ should not prevent the sick, injured, disabled and what he described as the ‘washed up’ from ‘putting in a shift’. Prime Minister David Cameron has also pledged an extra £30m in emergency aid, insisting that most of it is used to build Tesco Metros in affected areas, allowing ‘these grief-stricken spongers’ to find a new purpose in life by stacking the shelves.

‘What the people of the Philippines need is hope, shelter and a worthwhile job at somewhere like Matalan,’ declared a DWP spokesman. ‘The people of Britain have been very charitable in their donations but if handled badly it will only end up creating a culture of dependency. Rather than send money and food why not send shares in Royal Mail, some inspirational quotes from George Osborne or an application form for Argos?’

He added; ‘What?’

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2013 by

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