There was joy on Humberside this morning as the environment agency announced Hull as the ‘City of Cultures’ 2017′. This means throughout the whole of 2017 the city will be hygienically and hermetically sealed away from the rest of the UK to become an experimental city with bacterial cultures being grown in the open air to test the city’s unique environment.
Some locals have raised concerns that having a city full of Petri dishes cultivating bacteria could affect tourism, but a survey of last year’s visitor has shown he was actually just lost on his way to Leeds.
‘It was a close race between Dundee, Leicester, Swansea and Hull, with Slough being disqualified for already having uncontrolled growth,” a spokesman for the agency said. ‘Hull was chosen because out of the remaining contenders, the swabs used for the bidding process showed some signs of life that may be of scientific interest. Early indications are they may be almost human but we can’t be sure without many further tests. It should take about a year – 2017, in fact.’