‘We’re not sure exactly how this happened,’ said Chesney Benson, head of the JFK Assassination Society, ‘but we suspect foul play. One of our men, dressed as Lee Harvey Oswald, was in position at the Texas School Book Depository and was just about to shoot a man dressed as President Kennedy, when a number of other shots were simultaneously fired.’
The resultant salvo of magic bullets ended in the shooting of the man dressed as Kennedy, a man dressed as Governor Connally and a man in the crowd dressed as a spectator.
‘This was clearly the work of more than one historical re-enactment society,’ said a man dressed as Kevin Costner dressed as Jim Garrison. ‘All the evidence suggests that there was a second re-enactment taking place near the grassy knoll and that the first re-enactment society was just a patsy.’
A man dressed as Lee Harvey Oswald strongly rejected claims that he was a patsy, before being immediately shot and killed by a passing Jack Ruby tribute act.
Meanwhile, more conspiracy theories have since developed following the emergence of video footage taken by a man dressed as Abraham Zapruder. The footage clearly suggests the existence of multiple re-enactment societies hidden all around Dealey Plaza, dressed as the Soviet Union, Cuba, the Mafia, the FBI and the CIA.
To resolve the confusion President Obama has called for a historical re-enactment of the Warren Commission. However, the investigation is unlikely to produce any results until 2021, when it is expected to clear everyone of any involvement and say nothing actually happened.
‘This is a tragic day for historical re-enactment societies,’ said a man dressed as Walter Cronkite, desperately trying to hold back the tears. ‘We needed this like we needed a hole in the head.’
The prospect of fifty more years of conspiracy theories has raised concerns that they might provoke another three hour movie by Oliver Stone. ‘Nobody wants to sit through a seemingly endless litany of wild and crazy conspiracies,’ said President Obama. ‘We already get that each night with Fox News.’