Government Ministers were today putting the final touches to a plan to scrap the £40 billion HS2 scheme in favour of building a motorway that links London and Manchester, where the maximum speed is to be increased to a scaremongering 75mph.
It is thought that the increase in speed could cut up to 7 minutes off a normal motorway journey between Birmingham and London, and would stimulate the economy so much that the average user would see their salary increase by 38% by the journey’s end.
‘Business has never been conducted at such a high speed before, we really do need a transport system to keep up with it all, because we’re being left behind by the French and the Japanese’ explained Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin.
The speeds of 75mph are ground-breaking and easily outstrip the fastest UK email sent on record, which travelled at a top speed of 40mph between Brighton and Watford in 2008.
David Cameron was called to a secret demonstration at Downing Street earlier this week, and sources close to the PM claim that he ‘raised his eyebrows’ on a few occasions, and actually dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief and mouthed ‘wow’ to people across the room.