Mottled 1990s variety performer Mr Blobby was confirmed last night as the new Chief Executive of the ailing Co-operative Bank.
The grinning pink and yellow inflatable would bring to the role of Chief Executive a greater sense of decorum, gravitas and reassurance to the bank’s customers than his predecessor, claimed one insider.
‘We’re delighted to have appointed Mr Blobby to lead our organisation through this difficult period. His name is synonymous with integrity, fiscal responsibility and prudent planning. And he’s thick skinned enough to bounce back from any early setbacks. Literally’.
There was a mixed response from City analysts to news of the appointment: ‘From what we know of Mr Blobby from his television appearances during the 1990s, he’s a bungling, impulsive, accident prone idiot, whose behaviour is fundamentally irrational and unstable’ said one financial analyst. ‘If anything, he’s overqualified for a senior role in banking’.
Another commented: ‘He may be an unorthodox choice, but look on the bright side – if a 7 foot pink and yellow guy who everyone knows off the telly has ever been up to anything dodgy, the odds are that he would have been caught by now’.
Other analysts pointed to Mr Blobby’s PhD in Macro-Economics, his previous non-executive directorships in a number of large financial institutions as evidence of his suitability for the role.
Mr Blobby himself reacted to the news with characteristic enthusiasm: ‘Blobby, blobby-blobby; an honour and a privilege. Blobby blobby, difficult road ahead, blobby, grit and determination, blobby blobby, start of a new era of sound fiscal oversight and safe guardianship of our customers’ assets. Blobby.’