Black Friday ‘was dry run for Zombie Apocalypse’

Consumers across the world were given the opportunity to hone their survival skills, as branches of Wal-Mart simulated the collapse of civilisation. Mindless, reanimated corpses hungry for discounted TVs swarmed over unsuspecting shop assistants, chanting: ‘Braaaaains…braaaaains….br- oh three for two offer, bargain!’

The ‘zombie plague’ has spread fastest in cities and areas where people thought the Hunger Games was a documentary. Law enforcement agencies soon declared the Cribbs Causeway Asda Superstore (near Bristol) a demilitarized zone. While isolated pockets of survivors have been forced to do their Christmas shopping online; generating their own static electricity by rubbing onesies together.

A spokesman for Bear Grylls was the first to endorse death match bargain hunting: ‘This is the ultimate in disaster recovery. The public are advised to start stockpiling canned goods, amazon vouchers and cartons for storing urine. If approached by a slow, lumbering shopper you should severe their head before rummaging through their bags for cut price electrical goods.’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2013 by

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