With opposition to every plan of airport capacity expansion revealed in a report this morning, the government are going to look at the last viable option on the table: allowing visitors to the UK to parachute from their plane somewhere near their preferred airport.
‘We understand that many of the parachuting passengers haven’t had any formal training,’ a spokesman for the plan said. ‘That’s why if we can’t get a third runway at Heathrow, we will opt for a giant bouncy castle in Hounslow at a cost of only £2bn to soften the landing of even the most amateurish free-fallers.’
Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary has welcomed the suggestion and plans to implement it even if other airlines aren’t as keen. ‘I think the idea of throwing passengers out of the plane somewhere near their destination follows on neatly from Ryanair’s current strategy, but this way we don’t even have to land in the UK, cutting fuel costs, landing fees, and allowing us to make the price of a ticket even lower,’ he said, ‘unless of course you choose the option of having a parachute, which I think is great value at only €250.’