Heathrow’s third runway could potentially be sited on an allotment in Stoke on Trent, Airport executives today confirmed, after top level talks between Senior Heathrow Directors and committee members of Myrtle Lane Allotments Society went well.
During a break in the discussions in the members bar of Fegg Hayes Working Mens Club, Heathrow Chief Executive Colin Matthews said; ‘We believe this is a realistic alternative to plans already on the table and, frankly, the Myrtle Lane proposal is a lot more credible than anything Boris Johnson’s come up with.’
Myrtle lane chairman Reg Utterthwaite added; ‘We’ve reassured the lads from Heathrow that we’ve got plenty of room for the new generation of 787 Dreamliners if we shift Archie’s runner beans. And the long-haul traffic can always use the bit between my marrow patch and Cyril Scattergood’s compost heap.’
Talks have now moved to the siting of a potential sixth terminal. Favoured contenders are currently the Loomer Road Sea Scouts Hut and the front room of no 36 Spoilheap Terrace, currently occupied by Mrs Edna Tunstall. Said Mr Utterthwaite; ‘Edna’s all for it. She says they can even use the stair cupboard as well for an extra £2billion.’