NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Second coming of Jesus “will be prequel”

The second coming of Jesus will be an “origins” story explaining what he got up to for the 13.8 billion years before arriving in Bethlehem, according to the producer of the project, God.

“We had planned to have a big, grandstanding sequel where Jesus came back to Earth and had this huge, crazy battle with the Antichrist and the Beast and all sorts of mad things,” said The Almighty One, “but the public has no interest in those sorts of things any more. They want origin stories of dark and flawed characters.”

Despite the grand intentions, the production is reported to have hit some early difficulties, including an excessively long running time. “Yes, the running time of 13.8 billion years will make it almost as long as Avatar,” said God, “but I think it is necessary to make it as long as that to fully appreciate the production and also, I’m God, so I can do what I fucking well want. We also had a problem in trying to provide an explanation as to why Jesus’ second coming came before his first, but we’ll just say that the second coming was 65 million years ago and that it wiped out the dinosaurs or something. I’ll hire Stephen Moffatt to knock out the details, he’s used to coming up with all sorts of shit like that,” He added.

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Dec 25th, 2013 by jamsieoconnor

Click for more stories about: News In Brief