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Boxing Day hunts replaced with Hunt Day boxing

The Cirencester and Wootton hunt has announced that they are breaking with tradition and will not be chasing any foxes this year following ‘intrusive legislation by this socialist government’. Instead, they have announced they will be getting their post-Christmas port-fuelled adrenalin rush by trying to ‘punch each other’s lights out’, according to Master of the Hunt, Col. Grieve Chancellor.

‘The ban says that we can hunt with dogs as long as they aren’t the ones who actually make the kill,’ he explained. ‘We’ve tried saying to our pack of hounds ‘now look here chaps, be so good as to stop nibbling that fox, would you’, but we still can’t get an adequate response out of them. So I’ve decided we‘re just going to have to take it out on each other. Fights will start after the toast and I think it’s all going to be raather fun.’

There are concerns that the welfare of the hounds may suffer if they don’t get their traditional run about but Col. Chancellor LLB, OBE, DSo and Bar, was adamant they would be perfectly happy spectating and hinted that if any of the fights ‘didn’t come up to scratch’ then they may even be allowed to take part. The colonel then shouted ‘BUNDDDLLLLLLE! What, what!’, and started punching one of his servants.

But the Hunt has urged vigilance among its exclusive membership amid rumours that several well known anti-hunt protesters may disguise themselves in Hunting Pink just so they can come along and ‘have a go’. Col. Grieve said; ‘We’re not worried, we’ll always spot them; no etiquette; new clothes underneath their hunting gear; and that ever-present whiff of bitter. Make no mistake, we’ll root them out. But it wouldn’t matter anyway; we fight dirty, d’you see.’

Even so, the government is said to be watching events in Cirencester closely. ‘If they’re going after themselves now it’s only right and proper that others should be allowed to join in,’ said rural affairs minister Hilary Benn. ‘So next year we’ll be looking to pass legislation aimed at puncturing this anachronistic elite social bubble once and for all, by giving peasants the right to go toff-hunting whenever they want to, with or without dogs.’

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Posted: Dec 26th, 2013 by NewsBiscuit

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