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Druids working round the clock to restore ley lines

Druids pledging to get it right any day nowThe council of British Druids have been working through the night to restore ley lines which have been damaged by recent storms. Many households have been without spiritual energy throughout the Yuletide holiday which has affected psychic connections in many parts of the country. A spokesman for the Druids commented; ‘We are doing all we can to restore the lines during the traditional pagan festival of Winter Solstice and we hope to have positive energy flowing freely between Glastonbury and Stonehenge by the weekend.’

The recent storm has brought chaos to the New Age community, with encampments and wagons looking tatty and uncared for.  ‘All we can do is just sit around doing nothing…’ said Madhead (not his real name), a juggler and drumming therapist from Somerset. ‘When an alternative lifestyle is taken away like this, we are left with like, no alternative…’ Home-owners that remain cut off have been urged to harness the natural energy of crystals or to contact the natural energy helpline via meditation and yoga.

‘The government were warned that this was going to happen and yet they did nothing.’ said Madhead.  If you look at the astrologer in last week’s Western Morning News, he clearly stated that ‘health matters would come to the fore at the weekend and friends would be important midweek.’ What more warning do the government need before they act?’

Meanswhile many UFO flights have been cancelled leaving members of Britain’s gullible community stranded. Mr Reg Ferret, resident of a Wiltshire caravan site which is a magnet for flying saucers explained; ‘My probing appointment was cancelled at the last minute and I’d been looking forward to my holiday in Atlantis for ages. I’m going to be making a claim on my insurance and suing the government. No, I’m not a nutcase.’

A government spokesman said that they had done everything possible during the crisis, adopting an appropriately ‘homeopathic approach’ to the problem.  ‘We put 0.000001% of effort into resolving this situtation.  Indeed to the naked eye, it appears that we did nothing at all, but anyone with a basic understanding of homeopathy will understand that there is no better cure.

Britain’s ley lines were sold off to a profit making private franchise in 2011, and have continued to break down ever since, despite billions of pounds of public subsidies.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2013 by apepper

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