Barack Obama has controversially announced measures to limit firearm access for the under-threes. US citizens under the age of three may soon be limited to the ownership of four fire-arms per child, and monkeys could be left without weaponry entirely.
The Obama administration has stated that by limiting and restricting ownership of arms by toddlers and those within the primate family, ‘safety will remain paramount in our nation’s pre-schools, and other communal areas such as zoos.’ Those under the age of three will however still be able to use a smaller amount of firearms if they promise to use them responsibly and not shoot their parents when being sent to bed.
Republican senators have predictably voiced objections to what they describe as ‘too much, too soon’ and ‘an extreme violation of our American human and monkey rights.’
After the release of last week’s statement regarding the new proposals the gun lobby has gathered in Washington, waving banners such as ‘My toddler has the Right to Protect himself and his Toys’ and ‘Monkeys Now: Dogs Next!’ A long fight lies ahead of the Democrats before changes are quietly ditched.