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Bill Oddie and Kate Humble to present ‘Suicidewatch’

viewers already asking; 'Is it twitching?'Following the enormous success of the genteel seasonal programmes fronted by two national treasures, the BBC has announced that the latest observational wildlife series will be launched later this year live from HMP Wakefield. ‘West Yorkshire boasts a wonderful array of criminal activity, so I’m sure we’re in for some real treats,’ enthused Ms Humble, who has been ‘thrilled’ by the enthusiastic anticipation shown by the male inmates for her stay at the maximum security facility. ‘One of the joys of this job is that you never know quite what to expect and no doubt there will be a few surprises along the way – after all, you know what they say, ‘Never work with serial killers or gross sexual offenders’!’

The presenters will be housed in a purpose-built lookout for the week-long duration of the programme, which has been disguised as an overflowing lavatory so as not to disrupt the prisoners’ natural habitat. ‘We’ll have cameras trained on every potentially self-harming prisoner, with nightly updates on the day’s action. Digital viewers can even use their red button to lay bets on who will make it to the next night’s broadcast – it should be great family fun,’ explained Bill Oddie, who will also be reporting live from the shower block every night to witness the curious mating rituals that abound in the all-male penitentiary.

‘Our filming trials have unearthed some real characters, to whom who’ve we’ve already given little pet names. We’re sure that viewers are going to love following the adventures of Archie the Arsonist, Willie the Wife Beater and Roger the Repeat Offender as they are observed around the clock. And some of the footage should be priceless – if Dave the Dirty Protester is on form that week, Dennis Norden’s going to have a field-day.’

Mary Evans (hat tip to ajblacker)

14 January 2010

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2014 by Mary Evans

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