Baz Hassan, 37, owner of the Bearwood Booze off licence in Smethwick, has said he will not stop selling dangerous amounts of alcohol to atheists, agnostics and Christians, despite calls from leaders of the drinking community to respect cultural weaknesses of these vulnerable groups.
Although a non-drinker and vegetarian himself, Mr Hassan says he will continue to exploit unbelievers with heavily-promoted multibuy offers on strong lager, cheap vodka, sausage rolls and smoky bacon crisps. He certainly has no time for fellow Muslims who refuse to sell such products at all, who he accuses of exhibiting dangerous liberal tendencies.
‘As a good Muslim I am doing my bit to further the cause of Islam by ensuring the eternal damnation of these weaklings through feeding them the haram substances they crave so much,’ said Hassan, ‘and all the money I make pays for my kids’ education. The nearest thing these people get to a spiritual experience is when they are completely off their head with booze or when near death in A&E with clogged arteries.’
‘It is of course a truism that after fifteen cans of Stella you commune with God on the white telephone, but this has been proven to be a myth created by cult leaders, the dreaded Fat Loud Bores, who maintain their power by convincing people that hangovers are funny and desirable. I have several in my pay, actually, just to ensure demand is maintained.’
Mr Hassan said that after staying open all Christmas Day to flog last-minute sherry, sausages and bacon, he was stocking up ready to feed people’s cravings during the New Year festival. ‘Sure, there’s a lot of prejudice and intolerance involved when it comes to Muslims selling such things, but no one’s stopped me doing it yet.’