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Beeping Smoke Alarm set to star at the Brit Awards

even getting plaudits from Fire BrigadeWhat began as a series of barely audible warning noises, has quickly become a front runner for the prestigious music prize in the UK, the Brit Awards. Having recently been painted black by its stylist, starred in an obligatory sex tape with Robin Thicke, Beeping Smoke Alarm (BSA) is set to be the most downloaded act of 2014 ‘once Dad has found the stepladder’.

Although, ironically, it has been nominated for Best Newcomer at the 2014 Brits, BSA has been quietly gathering dust in the spare bedroom for the last two years. It only came to the attention of talent scouts after its heavy duty battery ‘gave up the ghost’, creating a whole new sound that has sent clubbers into ecstasy.

‘To truly appreciate BSA’s oeuvre you need to be lying in a darkened room, suffering from insomnia and with a lightly sleeping newborn baby,’ said one music critic. ‘That’s the moment when BSA really gets under your skin. The next thing you know, you’re jumping out of bed, armed with a polo mallet.’

Indeed, a hat trick of awards might be on. BSA’s static film installation, directed by Julien Temple, depicting ‘its yellowing plastic shell’ next to a ‘broken loft hatch’ is said to be neck and neck with One Direction for Best British Video, while it is also being nominated for the Turner Prize. Controversially, though, BSA has been overlooked for ‘Best Tinnitus Impression’, in favour of Tom Odell.

Despite being disconnected from the mains, BSA has maintained its intermittent alarm, post-dubstep beat and its homage to Coldplay. As yet BSA has refused to be drawn on the many rumoured collaborations with global pop stars but a high pitched beeping sound has been heard from Miley Cyrus’s knickers.

BSA’s manager confirmed: ‘Next year we were planning to release a CD of BSA being struck repeatedly by a hammer, accompanied by the hysterical screams of a sleep-deprived homeowner, but on second thoughts we decided that’s a bit too close to Bowie’s album’.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2014 by Wrenfoe

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