Hollande fulfils pledge, takes mistress

French President Francois Hollande has announced that he has now completed on all his pre-election promises by taking a pretty actress as his mistress. Speaking as he made his way to Bubbles Spa & Jacuzzi on the Champs Elysees he said: ‘The French people demand decisive sexual action from its presidents. And they can now be assured that I take this high office as seriously as my predecessors.’

While some have criticised Hollande for waiting an unprecedentedly long time before banging away in a cheap hotel ‘comme un Premier League Footballeur’, most of the French were pleased to note that he sent his security men out for croissants. Added Hollande: ‘Now, if you forgive me, I must take to the water, it is the hour. Or, as we say in France “A l’eau, c’est l’heure”.’

Mandy Lifeboat

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2014 by

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