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‘Banks to be replaced with sweeties and bouncy castles’, promises Milliband

Labour leader Ed Milliband has given a pre-election pledge to replace failing high street banks with bouncy castles and to give all Labour voters a ‘big bag of sweeties’.  The announcement came hard on the heels of Chancellor George Osborne’s call for the hourly minimum wage to be increased to £7.00 and a puppy.

In what are seen as the opening salvos of the 2015 election campaign, Mr Osborne also promised to take marginal voters for a Happy Meal next weekend and their pick of Despicable Me action figures.  When pressed on his earlier pledge to take voters to see the Hobbit 2 in 3D, Mr Osborne shuffled uncomfortably and said that voters in safe Tory seats were ‘giving him grief and that’.

Challenged on allegations that the recent flurry of new proposals and pledges were merely ‘cheap dog-whistle politics and cynical pre-electioneering’, Mr Milliband cocked his head to one side and looked at lobby correspondents with those great big soulful eyes which just make you think that sometimes he understands everything you say.

Mr Milliband later promised voters that EuroDisney in April is ‘definitely on’, and Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls has also promised voters that they can have ‘one free pick out of his FIFA coins, but only if they ‘promise to be his mate’.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2014 by blokefromstoke

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