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Crime falls by 10% as austerity hits burglars

The Crime Survey of England and Wales has shown that crimes against adults and households fell by 10% in the last year, further proof of austerity hitting every part of society. Rising prices of tools and a sharp fall in prices on the black market has seen the average burglar ‘barely break even’.

‘By the time I’ve bought a crowbar, torch, batteries, a balaclava and a swag bag, I need to rob at least a 22-inch Smart TV and a washing machine to make it all worth it,’ said hard-up criminal Scott Pearce today. ‘It wouldn’t be too bad but in these hard times I can’t afford a van, and carrying all of that and an accomplice on a BMX isn’t easy.’

It what has now become an all too familiar story in the criminal fraternity, Scott later added that he is now seriously considering getting a part-time job to help subsidise his lifestyle.

James Pluside

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2014 by Guest

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