Wetherspoons were pleased to announce the opening of the UK’s first motorway pub this week, days after hundreds of police officers returned to their desk jobs after six weeks of ‘tiresome breathalysing’.
‘The police make sure that we know all about the dangers of drink driving during December’, said sales manager Darren Hutchings, propped against the bar. ‘It’s great that this danger has now passed and our hard-working officers can get back to their jobs of catching real criminals. In fact, I think I’ll have another whisky to celebrate’.
‘I think it’s absolutely disgusting’, said motorist Julia Matthews outside the station’s WH Smith. ‘I’ve already been ogled at by three drunken lorry drivers, and there’s nowhere to park because of all these ‘drunk tanks’ everywhere’.
Sergeant Daniels of Buckinghamshire Police, who arrested thirty-six motorists in the lead-up to Christmas, said: ‘Admittedly we don’t actually breathalyse motorists between February and November, but we think that drink driving is just a festive thing – a tradition, if you will’.
He added; ‘With statistics proving categorically that all drink driving related incidents occur between December the 1st and New Year’s Day, the plan is to just close the pub down during this time. Simple’.