Sauron, the Dark Lord of Dol Guldur, whose eye falls like a pestilence upon the peoples of Middle Earth, is reported to be ‘Spitting black bile’ at reports leaked by advisers at the department of Education, critcising his rule of Mordor for being ‘too Orc-Centred’ and ‘trapped in 60’s Orthodoxies’.
In a statement delivered by Nazgul to the Sunday Times, The Dark Lord commented ‘In all my numberless epochs as the Eye of Evil, I have never been intimidated and I dont intend to be intimidated now. If I see problems with the new generation of Orc Pits, I will not hesitate to say so.’ Differences between The Great Necromancer and Mr Gove are thought to stem from plans to farm out breeding of Orc-packs to private contractors such as Mirkwood PLC.
Relations between Mr Gove and the Dark Lord have always been cordial, with Mr Gove describing Sauron as ‘My Hero’ on several occasions. However, relations between Mr Gove’s department and the Land of Shadow are now described by insiders as ‘Cool’. Departmental advisers to Mr Gove are reported to be ‘scuttling energetically’ between the Department of Education and right wing think thanks such as Civitas, Policy Exchange and the Forum for Darkness Incarnate.
Special Adviser to Mr Gove, Gregory Ollum commented ‘The Goveses is kind to us, he gives us raw mud to eats, we loves the Goveses we does. We must destroy the Dark Oneses. Then the Goveses will be Lord of Middle Earth and he will takes us with him to the Palace of Westminas Tirith where we shall do his biddings and feast on Cleggflesh.’ Mr Ollum then made a disgusting dribbling noise and scuttled vertically up the front wall of the offices of the Daily Mail.