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50% Tax Rate could ‘seriously delay next Gary Barlow album’

'If you stay by my side, we can rule the world,' says Ed BallsEd Balls’ announcement that he would reinstate the 50% tax rate has raised fresh concerns about top talent leaving Britain should Labour return to power at the next election.

Responding to rumours that pop star Gary Barlow had been looking at property in Dublin following the shadow chancellor’s announcement, Berkshire housewife Sharon Rigby, 36, commented, ‘It would be a complete disaster for me. My husband’s many affairs, coupled with my 3 pre-school children that I secretly hate has left a huge hole in my life that can only be filled by listening to Gary Barlow albums.’

‘He may look more like an assistant manager of a small firm of mortgage brokers these days, but apart from Mumsnet and Gin, he’s all I have left. Please Mr Balls, don’t take him away from me.’

Expressing sympathy for Mrs Rigby, Treasury Secretary Said Javid explained; ‘This could be just one of the many dire consequences of Labour’s tax hike. Even the most conservative estimates suggest that Paul Daniels would have to operate on a drastically reduced touring schedule under Labour. And Jim Davidson may have to give up live performances completely after the next election. Is that the sort of Britain you want, Ed Balls? One where Jim Davidson makes no public appearances for the rest of the decade?’

We tried contacting a number of right leaning light entertainment celebrities from the 70’s and 80’s but they were all strangely unavailable for comment

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Posted: Jan 27th, 2014 by editor

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